You’re always here.
You’re always loud.
“I am a goose”
You shriek, so proud.
You’ll never leave.
Your song won’t cease.
For certainty
I thank you, geese.
We Were Always At Least 51% Confident That We Were The Best…
The itsy-bitsy Seahawks
Flew up the water spout.
The one-yard line
Injected us with doubt.
Out came the sun
In San Francisco bay
And the itsy-bitsy Seahawks
Are champions today!
This poem is dedicated to Kenneth Walker III, the first running back in decades to win super bowl MVP.
Good things come when you run the ball.
Filed under Poems
Dinner Plans
The lazy rain will not commit
To ruining our mood,
But teases we who might decide
To go outside with food.
Like a cat, it lies in wait
With cards close to its chest
Until we bypass caution
And don our Sunday best.
Thus, prudence adjudicates
Our picnic we might delay
And instead get chicken nugs
And mac and cheese today.
Filed under Poems
Advice From My Students
If you have not said
“Lozenge” today, try it out;
It’s a banger word.
Filed under Poems
Happy Valentine’s Day! (Buy My Book)
Aromatic plants
Cuddle with their families
Before reaping day.
Tiny baby rose
Has her petals scattered on
Your bedroom carpet.
When will peace return
And the wanton slaughter end?
Why not do your part?
Filed under Poems
Remember When We Remembered?
We used to have passwords
But those were insecure.
Now we use authenticators
So we can know for sure
That the person who entered their password
And scanned their fingerprint and eye
To send an “I forgot my password” link
Is not, in fact, AI.
Filed under Poems
Limerick vs. LinkedIn
There once was a guy named Bob
Who’d never had a job.
He lived on his own
Died all alone,
Decomposed into an unrecognizable blob.
OR
Writing to share the memory of my beloved colleague and life coach, Robert.
He was a man of unparalleled entrepreneurial vision,
A self-made man and independent thinker
Who lived life on his own terms.
His passing inspires us all to further our ownership,
Reflect on our humility,
And scale our amorphous impacts toward the next incarnation of progress.
Hey Boss, Today I’ve Prepared This 8-Hour Video For You Showing How Your Employee Spends A Typical Workday. It Will Be Graded
When a teacher is sick
They call in a sub
Who may or may not know the material.
I think all jobs
Should have similar deals
When they contract something bacterial.
If you get a cough
Or an ache or a wheeze
Your workplace will fet on a call
With some guy named “Jake”
Who comes to your desk
And proceeds to do no work at all.
I don’t want this deal
Because I slack off
Or because it will help anyone;
I want this because
If I could have any job
“Substitute you” would be pretty fun.
Filed under Poems
Short Form Content
Haikus prove Japan
Thought of TikTok poetry
Way before the world.
Filed under Poems
You Know They Type
My friend parked in the special spots
With the picture of Professor Xavier.
If he stayed, he’d get a ticket
So I became his savior.
“You’re not allowed to park there,” I said.
“It’s reserved for people with disabilities
“Like fans of foreign movies
“And those who say ‘white fragility.’”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 